Im Alive

I have often wondered where the ideas or triggering inspirations come from that have inspired lyricists that I personally like. A song in general has multiple key elements that define any sense of radiation, taking in to account each instrument, a guitar riff, bass line or even percussion.

One element I want to focus on would definitely be the lyrics.  Regardless of the subject content or actual words, I am certain most writers are aware of what leads to their finished piece and, relive this moment each time they read or sing their created work.  I leave room for the fact that some lyrics get added to compositions while some compositions may be added to lyrics, either way the pen eventually hits the paper.

Since I am instigating this, I suppose I should probably go first.  I will bring forth a piece of my own solo writing past but, I will kick it up a notch and translate the origin.

Author:  Jerry Barrett
Title:  Im Alive
Written:  2003
Published by:  Jerry Barrett
Copyright 2003:  383 Publishing

How it began Im telling you the truth, it’s just what I have to do, beat in- broke down- wanting to just die, I’ve turned to you just to see the light.

You have a will of a thousand storms, I want to wash upon your shore, to feel the calm you hold inside- this will be my place to hide.

A look deep into everything that’s lost, it’s not just a disc you bought, a piece of me is up for sale, is it alright  I can not tell?  But I think it’s time that you should learn, of all the pages that’s been turned.

You have a will of a thousand storms, I want to wash upon your shore, to feel the calm you hold inside, this will be my place to hide.

With the lyrics down bare, for the world to see I will follow up on this perspective with an incident that startled me and, ultimately changed my sense of reality forever.

Are you ready?

Here we go

In Translation:

It was late summer 2003 when I arrived to work relatively early to start filling my work orders for the day, this was needed to pull inventory for what ever schedule was planned.   I was sitting in the office going through a large stack of paper work trying to figure out how to kick this particular monday off.  At this point in my life I felt I was maintaining control, I had a decent job and all my responsibilities were met and, I was slowly but surely working my way towards releasing a CD with a few other people.

I had been under a lot of stress juggling a world others wanted while trying to find my own, I am sure this is familiar ground for many.   At this point in my life writing was critical and, I had found  over a period of time that everything affected what came from the pen.  Today though would be the day where sincerity and emotion would put me to the test.

Next to arrive at the office was the secretary, who was surprised I was already there.  She had asked me why I was in so early and, I told her openly that at this point in life keeping busy was the best thing for me to do.  I sat there for about another 10 minutes never turning around to make eye contact as we chatted about my explanation to the question.

Generally if you work anywhere for more than a year you become familiar with your co workers, their problems, concerns and general mood through the tone of their voice.

The next question was a simple one, to get past where mine was headed, So how was your weekend I asked?  It was fine she said but, there was an unmistakeable shake in her voice that caused me to turn around and when I did, my heart actually trembled.  Have you ever seen or heard anything that just rips right through you?  What I saw hit me like a two ton heavy thing, it was comparable to having the walls of a dam released and all of that water just taking you over, I don’t mean just opened but that the gates just “disappear” to leave you with this larger than life wall of water.

As I turned around she was starting to cry but, that was not the heart breaker, her makeup could not hide the beating she received over the
weekend. My heart sank at the sight of her face, it was brutal, hateful and my skin crawls remembering it now.  What happened to you I said, nothing Jerry everything is fine (she was pulling her self back together).  I had always figured we were decent friends since we talked about life, kids marriage etc throughout the last year or so but this caught me off guard.

She said this wasn’t the first time and, I don’t know if I can take it again.

I grabbed a box of tissues from her neighboring desk and approached her as softly as I could. My mind went racing in a time period I will never know the length of, I was aware that she was a few years into her second marriage, her first husband had died four years earlier of cancer, and she had three children from him to raise.  I have to admit it hurt like hell to think that she had went from a loving home to this.  I was looking at it like “how would her first husband feel to know that his wife wound up on this horrible path”, I mean to know that someone used to hold her and care for her, and to know deep down, that this clearly is not the case any more, it was a let down to the words of love.

This needs to stop now!  That is all I could get out of this gut wrenching moment.  You need to leave him, (I had met her husband at a company party the previous year and going by the size of this guy he was probably not messed with too often).  You have no clue do you Jerry?  it’s not that easy for me, I have children who need a stable home, I can’t just run out and start a new life.  I understand that, but from what Im seeing here you may not have one for much longer anyway.

She said, I have to do what’s best for my kids.

Regardless of how I feel or what I have to go through, he is really good with the kids and he loves them.  But what about you I asked? I will take what ever I am dealt to make sure my kids always have a home, these things happen.  It was obvious she had lost her boiling point and almost simultaneously started convincing herself she deserved it.  I told her, no one deserves this and above them all definitely not you.  I knew this woman well enough throughout the last year to know that she was not the type to instigate or create a problem, in fact she would be the first to divert attention away from heated situations and believe me, in construction you see these every morning.

We talked for hours, even as people started arriving to work we talked right through their questions of what happened and, what’s going on?   She had decided that morning that she wanted to find a new job so that she could make that change.  It was powerful to see she had realized what needed to happen and, that she too mattered, it was quite remarkable to say the least.

We both left work that morning, she went to town to put in an application at a place she wanted to work at and I went home to reflect upon this mornings event, When I got home I went out to the studio locked all of the doors and, sat down in the control room in silence to find out how to digest this mornings events.

Needing to vent I grabbed a pen and paper and went right for the center of the page where I dropped the chorus for her.  Then I went back to the top of the page and filled the lines in with my own struggles and, before I knew it I had combined my life with hers.  The calmness she always carried was where I found out who she was and in turn, I was able to get a better reflection of where I needed to be with my own struggles.

Once I had realized how petty my personal concerns were in my own life, I was able to move forward and eventually shovel more – through out the coming years with a greater understanding of the human will.

This my friends is a 100% true story and this event is what triggered a chorus, through observing a life determined to live and, opened the door to self reflection through verses lived in my own life.

Thank You, Jerry Barrett